Day 12 & 13….. Yesterday, was my first day back to work since falling ill. It was mostly uneventful. I did have an appointment scheduled but he called to reschedule. He left a message saying that he got “roped into a project at work.” It wasn’t a big deal, I’m just glad that he called. So mainly my day was down to calling, calling and calling. I ended the day with 22 points. I know………. not my 25 and certainly not the 50 I missed on Monday & Tuesday. Today, well it was much like yesterday, except for the fact that I had 2 appointments scheduled instead of only 1. However, my first appointment did call to reschedule as well, but my second never called me back to confirm. So again, my day was about making more calls and doing follow-up on the cases I’ve already submitted. Today, I did get my 25 points but again, I still did not make up anything on the 50.
Anyway, as my day began to wind down, I started to get stressed or depressed at the fact that the idea of me making up the 50 points was getting further and further away from my grasp. I started to become really disappointed and felt like I should just throw in the towel…… dum, dum, dum ( dramatic music playing)….. then I spoke to a friend. That friend helped me to see it in a different way. The bottom line is, people get sick. I GET SICK!! I really can’t control that. The more realistic approach to it would have been to say, “ok… cd, you missed 2 days, It’s ok. Let’s not include those days. Instead of trying to get the 125 points for the week in your last 3 days, your new goal is 75, 25 points for each of the 3 days left”. That would have made more sense, right? I had less days to work with and 25 points a day is still the goal. But, I didn’t do that. I set a GOAL and when I set a goal, no matter what happens, I expect to reach it. If I find that I fall short, it’s extremely difficult for me to forgive myself, no matter what the excuse. I am, and have always been my own worst critic. This has always been a problem for me. I have always heard it, but now……….now, I really see it. I see how it can cause problems with me and throw me off my game a bit. On top of that, I’m also still dealing with, the “what other people are thinking” syndrome. Two things, seemly so simple and small, have caused me so many days of worry and so many missed nights of sleep. So what I hope I have learned today was to cut myself a break, and to not give a damn about what people think. Is it that easy, I doubt it. I’m sure this will come again, and, I may need to be reminded ……. AGAIN !!! But one day, one day for sure, I will be free of the bondage that, that particular thought process has put me in. I have come to realize that I’m not free. I’m a slave, a slave not to just my own thoughts and feelings, but to others thoughts, opinions, and ideas of who and what I should be. I am conforming, and I don’t know why. Do you ever feel like this? Are you doing what you want to do? REALLY? Living the way you want to live? Are you following all your dreams? Do even dream anymore? 10 years ago, where did you see yourself? Are you there? If not, Why? These are some of the questions that I’m starting to ask and I gotta tell you, right now, I don’t like the answers.
It’s amazing how you can get on a path and feel fairly certain that it will take you one place, only to look up later, and find yourself somewhere completely different. This happens all the time, even with something as simple as this blog.
Speaking of this blog, let me get back to the initial topic. My water intake is getting back up there. I’m back up to 48 ozs or 1 1/2 quarts. The aloe vera juice, ah……. let’s see, how can I put this tactfully?? Well, lets’ just say, it’s got things moving. Also, it makes my insides feel………………..I can’t really find the word…. I guess calm.. no, no, more like soothing. There is a soothing feeling from my esophagus on down. I know that sound weird but it’s true. Imagine have a burn, and then you apply a cream that calms that burning sensation, cooling it, even. That’s what I feel happening inside me, and I like it!
cd904
Anything In 90 Days 