Tipping Point

Ok, hmm, where to start?

It has taken me awhile to get back to my next post, mainly because of not knowing how to say what I want to say. I guess I should just start by telling you what this blog is all about. First, let me take you back a bit.

Back in 1998, I started to experience a changing, evolving and/or shifting of energy. Something was happening to me inwardly and outwardly. This process lasted for almost 2 yrs, from ages 28 to 30. I will never forget it. It was the most trying time in my life. It was the end of a job that I thought was my career, and the end of a relationship that I thought was forever. I had to file bankruptcy and the people I trusted I could no longer trust. I developed a series of health issues, some that I have still yet to recover. I gained 50 pounds and I was also forced out of my home and had to learn to try to live off of 20k in the Washington D.C metropolitan area. If anyone has ever lived in the area, then I don’t need to tell you that 20k here is poverty. I thought I wasn’t going to make it. I was forced to face some things from my past that I thought I had gotten over and/or I didn’t think affected me at all. I looked up one day and found myself, by MYSELF !! I will never forget the day I was looking out of the window of my 400 square foot efficiency, crying and praying, trying to figure out how I had fallen so far.  What I had realized is that I was partially responsible for the mess I found myself in. Between the decisions I made, the people I trusted and energy I put out there………..??  In my opinion, it was somewhat karmic. It took me 2 years to see myself completely clear of that cycle and I vowed to never allow myself to go back there again.

       Now fast forward 10 years. I broke my vow. I’m here again, in a very similar cycle that started this time at 38….. 2 years ago. This is when, again a major relationship ended, BADLY I might add. My health again began to decline and I had to once again look for a new job and a new career. This time I had some savings and still had my home, so I thought, no big deal, I’ll be ok. I can and will get a new job. No, not just a new job but a better job…… A CAREER!! And all will be good!!

So 1 1/2 years ago, I started a career as a life insurance agent for one of the largest and most reputable insurance companies in the country. Great!! Right? Well, not exactly. It has been the toughest, easiest job ever. By that I mean, it’s easy in the since that I’m not digging ditches or doing any backbreaking work like that. However, it is tough in the since that…… It’s just tough!!!!  I am, as a friend put it, “the working poor”. I am now probably making 35k, which is like making 20k 10 years ago. I’m roughly 80k in debt, and I am behind in pretty much everything. As of today, I am planning on moving back home to live with my mother, so I can try to get out of the abyss of debt this career has afforded me.  But I’m not a quitter. I will hold on until there is nothing to hold onto.  I look around and I see people dropping like flies daily at my office, but I also see the people who have succeeded. I keep hearing “hold on”, “you got what it takes”, “you can do it”, “ these people are not better then you”, “They’re not special, and “you can do it if they can”…. etc.   So this is when the s!@# hits the fan, the rubber meets the road; it’s really time for me to s!@# or get off the pot, so to speak. After 2 years of watching me fall further and further down the rabbit hole, (I’ve actually never seen Alice in Wonderland so I hope that saying applies) I decided to take this last stand to get my life back. So I came up with this. I will give myself 90 days, 90 days, to make a significant change in the direction of my career. If I can’t do it in 90 days, then IT’S JUST NOT FOR ME.   I decided to blog about it, as a way of making myself more accountable. Fortunately I’m not perfect. I’m prideful, and to know that people are watching and checking will force me to give it EVERYTHING I got.  We shall soon see.

        After I made the decision to challenge myself with my job, I thought why not do this with everything that I have wanted to do and for some reason have been unable to do. So this blog will be about a series of 90 day challenges that will cover health, diet, exercise, spirituality and so on. Every 90 days, I will challenge myself to give everything I have to 1 thing and 1 thing only, with the hopes of improving myself and my situation for the better.

I hope that you find it interesting enough to follow and support me. Either way, I truly believe that I can only be better for trying this. What’s the worst that can happen? At the end of the day, all I really want is to be a better me.

 

My first 90 days will start, January 1, 2011.